So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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