Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
