i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
