it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
