Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
