Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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