No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
