didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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