Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
