My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
