I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
