Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
