Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No more Irish car bombs ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
