Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
