People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
