there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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