i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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