found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
