I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
