Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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