it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
