You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
