i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
