And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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