I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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