Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
