3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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