I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
