There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
