How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
