dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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