I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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