He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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