i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize