I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I looked at my own cervix.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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