Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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