You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
