so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
