He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
