Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
