I think my vagina is haunted
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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