I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
