And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
