I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
