I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
