This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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