i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
