So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize