at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
