that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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