i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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