she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
