We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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