Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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