Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
