ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
