with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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