I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will be naked everywhere
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
