Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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