your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
