my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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