a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
