It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize