I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
