I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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