Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
