Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
