Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
