I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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