Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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