I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
