wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
