im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
