Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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