Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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