No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
