he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
