so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
be right there i have to get my cape
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
