You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
