I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
