I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
