First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
