i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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