She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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