gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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