so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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