she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
