I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
