Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
