Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
