It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
