Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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