i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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