I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we're so committed to being not committed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
