i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
