didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
