i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How external is "for external use only"?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
